Fears

Fears. Every year I seem to acquire more and more fears. College, marriage, aging, failure, love. It keeps increasing.

Every school year I push myself to the limits so I can get into the college I want to attend. I want that life that I pictured I would have since I was in the sixth grade, but sometimes it gets to be too much. I have mental breakdowns and I ask myself if it is worth getting a high, printed number on a report card. I let the grades I receive define me. I wonder if that’s what life’s suppose to be.

I wonder if I will ever get married, ever have a family, ever be loved. To this day I still do not know what loving another person feels like. I do not know what it’s like to embrace someone with open arms. I do not know how it feels to look in the eyes of someone who loves you back. Who would do anything to be with you.

Day after day, year after year, I am aging. I fear that I won’t complete everything that I’m meant to do in this lifetime. Time is passing by, and I’m here, drifting away with time.

Life scares me.