I visited with my guidance counselor today to create my senior schedule. I am planning on taking public speaking, mythology/creative writing, fantasy, ACE government, ACE economics, sociology, psychology and pre calculus. Honestly, I thought I would only be taking mythology/creative writing, ACE government & economics and pre calculus. I only need ~3 more credits to graduate, but my guidance counselor said I need more classes in my schedule to fill up the empty spaces. While I understand that yes, I do need some extra classes to keep me occupied, I did not think I would have to take two English classes, sociology and psychology just to attend school. I am not 100% interested in fantasy, sociology and psychology, but I am going into senior year open minded. If a class presents itself to me as being too unbearable, I will drop it. Anyways, I digress, my counselor also showed me my updated transcript while I was there. I was thrilled to see that I moved from #10 to #7 in my class and that my GPA increased to a ~ 95.85. He said that if I remained in the top 10th percentile, I would be able to attend a community college near me with tuition being absolutely free. I pray that everything goes well for me.
When I was first born to the age of eight, I grew up in a two bedroom house with five other people. My mother, father and three brothers. My little brother and I both had our own beds placed in the living room. Most of the time, my second oldest brother would sleep on the floor in the living room with us because our eldest brother felt entitled to having his own room.
During 2009 my father got struck with a strange illness. I remember sleeping on my bed and I would instantly be awoken with the sound of him sneezing in his computer chair. I knew what that sound meant. It meant that he would soon pass out, and because of that, my mother contacted many doctors to try to figure out what was going on with my him. There were so many tests, but still so many unanswered questions.
Then it all changed. My father got admitted into ICU the Summer that we were suppose to go to Hershey Park and see The Naked Brother’s Band. When my father was in the hospital the doctors finally found the cause to his sickness. Mold. His childhood house was killing him and it was killing us too. My mother made the decision to have us leave the house. I knew it was a hard decision on her part because she knew that would leave us homeless, but being homeless was better than being dead.
So that was the year I was homeless. During those few Summer months, I stayed with my Aunt the most of it, in her three bedroom house with her children. My family all slept on air mattresses in the living and dining room. I never saw my mom much that Summer because every single day she would go to the hospital to visit my dad. I did not blame her though. Once in a while my mother would take us to a hotel for a night just to get away from others and have some rest from everything that was going on. Once, my mother took us to my other aunt’s house to give the aunt I was talking about earlier a break, but it did not turn out well. We ended up staying there for only one night because she and my mother got into an argument because she did not want to watch us while my mother went to visit my father in the hospital. I felt like a rag doll going from place to place. I can still hear the screaming and feel how confused I felt that day.
The most vivid memory I have was the day when my mother took me in the laundromat to do some washing and my mother got a phone call. At the time I did not know it was from the hospital because my mother took the call outside. She left little eight year old me inside the laundromat with strangers who were just a staring at me. I was so scared. Every single time the washer made a loud noise I died inside because I was so on edge. It felt like my mother was on the phone for ages. When she finally came back she had tears in her eyes and she told me that they had to transport my dad to another hospital because if they did not, my father was going to die.
When that Summer was finally over, we had a new house to live in and my father was back home. He still isn’t 100% healthy the way he was before he got sick, but he is alive and that is all that matters. To this day I have not told a single soul this and I do not know why. I am not ashamed of what has happened in my life.
(I am finally pressing the publish button months after I have written this.)
Earlier this month I found out about minimalism. Minimalism is a way of life. A person breathes it, lives it and teaches others about it. A minimalist only has items that serve a purpose. A minimalist enjoys life without the constant restraint of capitalism. The needing of wanting things, things that are used to fill voids in a life that is not being lived to its full potential. I am currently on my path to becoming a minimalist. Every week I am decluttering my space in more ways than one. I stopped using my FaceBook and Twitter, the places where I felt the most negative energy. I started going through my bedroom, donating items that I haven’t even looked at in months; clothes, shoes, jewelry. I started to think about what I really wanted for my life; memories, happiness. Things that stuff and social media could never give me. I am becoming a minimalist.
Last week I got informed that I am in National Honor Society! I told myself since the 9th grade that I wanted to be in NHS and look at me now. I am so proud of how far I have come since I began high school. I remember being so shy in middle school, never doing anything in the community and only sticking to my friend group. My, how things have changed. I owe a lot of how I grew as a person to Rotary. Honestly, I have no idea where I would be right now if I did not go out of my comfort zone and join rotary my Freshman year of high school. I also need to take a moment to reflect on all of the friends that I have had and currently have. They taught me how it is okay to be silly at times, ask the teacher questions, how to work hard. I do not know where I would be without them. Being in NHS is more than a pin you get, or a certificate you receive. It shows that you can literally achieve anything you set your mind to. That if you work hard, you can have anything that you desire.
It happened for a few days now. I would sit in my advisement and a boy would throw things around the classroom; paper airplanes, balls, cards. Anything he could get his hands on. And then it happened, I was hit three times in that advisement and all he would do was laugh, and all the teacher would do was nothing. So I spoke up, I took that ball that I was hit with, I walked out of the classroom, threw it down the hallway and said some words. I got in trouble. The girl who got hit multiple times in that classroom, and I was the one in the wrong for speaking up, for doing something. That is the way we are raised. That girls need to keep quiet and boys can do whatever they want without consequences. I will not take that. I will speak up no matter what trouble I will get into. Speak up no matter what trouble you will get into.
“Why is there a world, a cosmos, something, anything instead of absolutely nothing at all? If nothing existed, there would be nothing to explain. That anything exists demands some kind of explanation. Of all the big questions, this is the biggest. Why anything? Why not nothing? What can we learn from the absence of nothing?”
If you actually think about it, everything is made up. If everything wasn’t made up, we wouldn’t have all of the languages we have today. It is just mind boggling how anything is anything. Science is one big joke because everything is made up. The words are made up for ex. gravity. Gravity is not gravity because someone decided to call it gravity so therefore we still, to this day, not know what it is. I wish there was someone in the world who could answer all of my life questions.
How can they say aliens don’t exist when we ourselves exist?
Scientists say that in order to exist you need this this and this, but those things are needed for us to exist. Planets are vastly different from one another and you cannot tell me that something else can’t exist when we ourselves exist. We are on a planet that is somehow in the middle of nothing. I can’t even write what I want to say because there is so much I just don’t comprehend.
At exactly 6:00pm my Uncle, Aunt, Mother and Grandmother sent balloons up into the sky to celebrate my Grandparent’s anniversary. The only one missing was my Grandfather, who had died in May of 2015. The only thing I could think of was this saying by Morrie Schwartz, “Death ends a life, not a relationship”. That “This is part of what a family is about, not just love. It’s knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame. Not work”. I stood there snapping photos while I saw how heartbroken she truly was as she realized she would not be celebrating her anniversary with her husband. She was so grateful that we were there to celebrate it with her. The thing is, we almost did not go.